Cookbook Challenge #7: A Delicious Salad Full of Things We Hate

Meal planning in our house generally careens between obsessively-detailed lists of all-new recipes culled from my (far too large) collection and complete, total, utter laziness. I tend to feel pretty ambitious on Sunday mornings when I make my grocery list – I believe that Imaginary Mom takes advantage as that first cup of coffee kicks in - but between the lure of books, the distraction of other chores, the gravitational pull of teenagers in front of the TV watching something interesting, and the horror of crowded grocery stores, the actual shopping doesn’t get done until Monday mornings. Since I work mid-day Monday, this means the imagined meal prep doesn’t actually happen and we end up cooking dinner start to finish during the week like everyone else. It would actually be interesting (to me, anyway) to record the progression of our pre-dinner conversations; I imagine it would be something like this.

Monday: I’m working tonight, so my completely-unnecessary Working Mother Guilt has driven me to prepare this delicious meal for you – all you need to do it heat it up/throw it under the broiler/open the slow cooker and steam the healthy fresh vegetables that I’ve lovingly cut up for you.

Tuesday: It’s so nice to be home with you tonight. I planned a nice complicated meal to make up for the fact that I wasn’t here yesterday even though you were all doing your own thing and didn’t even notice I was gone. All the ingredients are neatly organized in the fridge chronologically.

Wednesday: I know I bought all the ingredients for this; they’re in here somewhere. This recipe doesn’t look familiar and I’m not sure why I picked it earlier this week but – oh, right, we’re missing that one key ingredient but that’s okay, we can improvise. Also we’re starting dinner later than I wanted, why are there all these dirty pans on the stove? No, it’s okay, I don’t mind eating right before bedtime…

Thursday: Am I the only person who knows how to clean anything around here? I don’t remember what we’re having. I wrote it down on the calendar. Do you look at the calendar? Isn’t it someone else’s turn to cook? This is an important life skill. Seriously, I need a nap before I can even look at you holding a knife, much less help. Yes, frozen peas are fine, I can’t find whatever vegetable was supposed to go with this anyway.

Friday: Every single day, you people want to eat. I’m over it. Feed yourselves.

So the search for a middle ground continues. (And I legitimately enjoy cooking. If you hate cooking I can imagine all the weeks might start on Friday and believe me, I'm not judging anyone.)

There are a couple of issues at play here, and I’m betting that everyone is dealing with at least one of them (not necessarily the same one, either) every single day.

1. We have legit food restrictions around here
2. My picky eater is a moving target
3. We're tired by the end of the day
4. Everyone likes a lot of variety, even if they say they’d happily eat the same 5 meals every week that’s a lie and I journaled about the tantrum that resulted when I tried it
5. Cleaning the kitchen is a job that nobody thinks should belong to them regardless of who’s cooking

Given all of this, it’s a rare delight to pick out something that I’m pretty sure everyone will hate (chosen because I want it, and to hell with you all because I can only eat so much broccoli on the side) and then it’s surprisingly delicious and everyone likes it and it keeps well in the fridge and morphs into a whole other meal and your daughter says, “Mom, you should totally blog that. We can make it on vacation.”

I’m slowly overcoming my loathing of olives, and we kept the feta and tomatoes on the side so David didn’t get poisoned. Sitting in the fridge for an hour does something magical to tame the onion and fennel, which both my kids normally hate. Everything stays crispy for Day 2, and there’s no mayo or egg or cooking or fussing so you could totally take this to a potluck and ignore it. It’s good as-is but also likes the leftover rotisserie chicken in the fridge. You could throw it into a pita and make a sandwich of it. I’m not a big improviser but I can see there is lots of potential here, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a regular on our table this summer.

From Cooking Light Annual Recipes 2011.

Fresh Mediterranean Salad

3 tablespoons red wine vinegar

2 tablespoons water

1 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp freshly ground black pepper

1 tsp Dijon mustard

½ tsp kosher salt

2 garlic cloves, chopped

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

2 cups thinly sliced fennel

1 ½ cups thinly sliced red onion

1 cup olives, pitted and halved

¾ cup chopped fresh parsley

½ cup crumbled feta

1 can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained

6 plum tomatoes, quartered

Mix the vinaigrette ingredients together. Drizzle over salad ingredients, cover, and chill at least an hour. See above re: the flexibility, tastiness, and general happiness that will be caused by this salad.

JoCo Loco: The Best Drink of the Best Cruise with the Best People Ever is the Wang Wang

We just got back from our second JoCo cruise, and once again it was one of the best weeks imaginable.

If you’ve thus far been spared my in-person rhapsodizing, JoCo is an annual week-long cruise that features artists, musicians, writers, and other talented nerd culture-friendly people. The attendees are known as Sea Monkeys and contribute programming to the official schedule just as much as the headline guests; in addition to concerts, book readings, and discussion panels with the named guests, the Sea Monkeys themselves run sing-alongs (Alexander Jamilton, anyone?), crafting, scavenger hunts, lectures on various topics, writing workshops, and so, so, so many games. All the games. A 24-hour game library. Beta testing of as-yet-unreleased games. Games in the dining room. Games on deck. Video games. RPG games. Board games. Dice games.

In short, there is never a shortage of things to do onboard even if lazing in the sun drinking something fruity isn’t your jam. And if it *is* your jam – well, make sure you get some sleep at some point, because your days and nights are going to be full.

A few highlights from this year:

• My cousins Alex and Maria came along, which was fun for all of us – we were able to find a balance between togetherness and apartness that worked for everyone. Playing on the beach in Half Moon Cay was a highlight.
• I ate seafood at every single meal for the entire week. If I die of mercury poisoning, I think we’ll all know why.
• Drinking rum at a roadside shack in the mountains of Tortola, which was beautiful in an austere, non-curated-for-tourists way. We also visited the oldest rum distillery in the Caribbean.
• Mofongo, arepas, and the best mojitos ever at a little bar in San Juan.
• A long, wine-filled dinner and conversation with Annie and Dan, a couple from Princeton that I met on last year’s cruise.
• Jean Grae and the incredible positivity of The Church of the Infinite You. My description wouldn’t do it justice, but everyone should walk out of their church of choice feeling so uplifted.
• Geek Prom, a mostly-80s themed dance DJ’d by John Scalzi. It was like the ending scene of the best teen movie never filmed, full of happy, exuberant people dancing their hearts out unselfconsciously. I’d be hard-pressed to choose a favorite fellow participant: the man in the 3 Musketeers hat? The transgender woman with the pink Mohawk and sequined dress? The giant light-up glasses? The group dressed in Hogwarts formalwear, or the many stylish fez options? The googly-eye tiara? The pirate hat? Mouse ears? The stuffed shark (Shork!) with her own Twit-arr feed?
• The concert in San Juan got rained out before They Might Be Giants performed, and soggy happy Monkeys crowded under the tents and sang and drank beer until we were finally banished back to the ship. The staff and crew worked a series of miracles that led up to the announcement, “They Might Be Giants” will begin a concert right now and will stop at 5 minutes before midnight so John can get off the boat before it sails.” The near-instantaneous abandoning of every public space on the ship has been referred to as “the nerd rapture” and it’s pretty damn accurate.
• The decommissioning of the Legoosterdam, including removing crocodiles from the pool and taking down the ion cannons. And Santa. And the kraken.
• Spending a week with the most exuberant, creative, accepting, open-hearted group of people I've ever had the pleasure of being among. The stuff you do on the cruise is fun, but it's the people that really make this an extraordinary event. 
• Discovering (on the last day! – a tragedy) the marvelous WangWang, the unofficial tropical drink of Sea Monkeys everywhere, which puts mojitos and daiquiris to shame and even eclipses the legendary Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.

I found a great balance between relaxing and participating, and my FOMO was under control this year. Best of all? I get to do it again next year!

Wait, wait, you say – what’s this WangWang? How can it possibly be better than a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster (which admittedly is much more exciting-looking)? Can I make one at home? Will it transport me to the tropics? Is it safe to drink more than one? (Answer: I’ll tell you. You’ll have to drink both and see for yourself, but I’m sure you’ll agree with me, and this will rip your head off much more efficiently. Yes, if you have a well-stocked liquor cabinet. Undoubtedly. Probably not but I’m not going to judge you.)

Best Drink of the Best Cruise with the Best People Ever: The Wang-Wang

Courtesy of the Filipino bartenders of the Holland America Cruise line

¼ oz vodka
¼ oz gin
¼ oz white rum
¼ oz Scotch
¼ oz Bourbon
¼ oz tequila
¼ oz Triple Sec
¼ oz brandy
1 ½ oz. pineapple juice
1 ½ oz. orange juice
Splash of grenadine

Mix everything except the grenadine together and pour over ice into a tall, fancy glass that looks like it belongs on a cruise ship. Top with a splash of grenadine. Optionally garnish with a maraschino cherry, orange slice, and/or pineapple wedge, but there’s nothing wrong with a naked Wang Wang. What happens on the cruise ship stays on the cruise ship!