The Life-Changing Magic of Bacon Grease: Corn, Bacon and Parmesan Pasta

As we struggle through yet another gruesome heat wave, I’m reminded how happy I am that going gluten-free hasn’t kept us from finding fast, easy, non-kitchen-destroying pasta dishes for dinner. And if, for instance, you’ve spent all day scraping wallpaper off a ceiling and it’s 100 degrees and nobody likes your taste in music and you promised that you would cook dinner with your mutinous teenage son, this is a good dish to make because it comes together so quickly and nothing can go wrong. 

I know, I know - that last sentence really seems like I’m daring the universe, right? But there were already so many bumps in this particular road. I’m never at my best during a heat wave; John is in full-blown teenager hormonal rage overdrive; I was cooking in someone else’s kitchen with someone else’s gear; I was tired; I was hungry; my arms hurt. And let’s not forget that we are all heartily sick of the sight of each other, which is why it seemed like a fine time to cram 5 of us into a 4-passenger vehicle and drive 8 hours to Pennsylvania to help my best friend get settled into her new house (hey, at least it was a change of scenery. Also she has air conditioning.) 

If my son was a cartoon character...

John was Not Pleased at the prospect of helping with dinner - or honestly, being around other people. I love cooking with him but in his own words: “We’ve been in quarantine for months. I’m going through puberty. I don’t know how else to tell you I’m so sick of you people.” I hear ya, buddy. But even the worst teenage hormonal rage can be soothed with the life-changing magic of bacon grease. 

So. The corn was scraped and the bacon was sauteed (only a minor burn on my lip - no, I didn’t taste it straight from the pan, the grease popped so remember to be careful with that part) and we figured out how to make 2 pounds of pasta in a little teeny pot and there was plenty of Parmesan to go around. Everyone ate and ate and ate and was happy afterwards. I’ve been making this dish for years and have never figured out how much I need to make in order to have leftovers, so scale up as much as you like. By all means, feel free to use frozen baby corn if it’s the dead of winter, but this really is extra fantastic with fresh summer corn. If you happen to have leftover bacon in your fridge (I’m told that’s possible in some families), you can put this together in the amount of time it takes to boil pasta; and if you’re starting with corn still on the cob and bacon still in the store package, it still won’t take much longer. 

I have, at various times, considered adding shrimp, peas, and other random fridge finds to this dish, but we like it so much as-is that I’ve never bothered. The recipe's originator - the amazing and wonderful Deb Perelman from Smitten Kitchen - suggests that you can add diced tomatoes at the end if bacon isn't your thing, but if bacon's not your thing we're probably not friends so I left that part out. Also - Deb is amazing and wonderful and I adore her site and her recipes and her food photography and you should too. Also please buy me all her cookbooks. If I was a real food blogger I would want to be her but with a larger kitchen.

Corn, Bacon, and Parmesan Pasta

8 oz dried pasta (we use penne or spirals - you want a short shape for this)

¼ lb thick-cut bacon, sliced

2 ears corn, shucked and kernels cut from the cob

Salt and freshly ground black pepper (fresh-ground really does make a difference here)

3 scallions, thinly sliced

⅓ cup (hahahahaha - use more) freshly grated Parmesan

Fresh basil and chives, for garnish, if you're feeling fancy-schmancy

Cook the pasta and reserve a cup of the cooking water. 

Saute the bacon until it’s crispy, then remove to a paper-towel lined plate to drain. Pour off all but one tablespoon of the bacon grease. 

Saute the corn for a minute or two until it’s crisp-tender, then season with the salt and pepper. Add the pasta, some of the Parmesan, and a couple splashes of hte cooking water and stir it all together. 

Keep tossing and stirring and seasoning, adding more of the cooking water if it seems a little dry, until everything is mixed together. Stir in the bacon and scallions. If everyone at the table likes Parmesan, sprinkle the rest and the herb garnish over the top and serve. If someone is picky about the fact that this contains just a teeny little bit of cheese, roll your eyes and serve the rest of the Parmesan on the side. 

A Giant Stack of Deliciousness and Joy, or What We Ate When I Wanted a Big Mac

At some point mid-May or thereabouts, Cooking Dinner Every Night Fatigue set in big-time. While the quarantine restrictions have been lifted somewhat, I don’t feel even remotely comfortable dining in a restaurant right now so our dinner options are a bit limited (yes, I know there’s outdoor seating. There’s also a heat wave and I don’t have air conditioning at home. No thanks.). We’ve done some curbside pickup but it feels like all the expense with none of the service, and I still end up washing dishes.  

One of the casualties of staying in has been my intermittent visits to McDonald’s, from back when the siren call of a Filet O’Fish and the best fountain Coke in the universe was sometimes more than I could resist. I love a good Take Out/Fake Out recipe, but I can’t imagine the shenanigans required to recreate a fish sandwich at home. And why would you? The whole point of dining out – even if it’s a fast-food drive thru – is to eat something that you wouldn’t get at home. Yes, I can make a Sausage McMuffin with Egg that is arguably better than the real thing from a certain point of view, but the egg won’t have that perfect circular shape and the yolk will be the wrong degree of doneness and the sausage patty just won’t be the same. And don’t get me started on our unsuccessful French fry efforts.

A burger, though….. A burger is a perfect arena for experimentation. I’ve had so many burgers from so many places that my loyalties aren’t quite as fixed, and my commitment to burgers is such that I have an entire cookbook dedicated to them. Naturally this means that I had to try my hand at making the imitation Big Mac (though really I’m a Quarter Pounder with Cheese gal, myself). My husband insists that what we came up with is much more like a Big Boy burger from Elias Brothers. Whatever. Whichever burger you think this is a riff upon, let me assure you there is NO quick-service restaurant that is going to produce something as effing magical as this giant stack of deliciousness and joy.

This is after it was squished down.
Thirty-six more times, people.

Fluffy bun? Check. Double-stack of burgers? Check. Melty processed American cheese food slices? Check. Special sauce? Check check check. I had to mash this bad boy down with my hand for a solid thirty seconds to compress it enough to fit into my mouth, and I promptly made a huge mess of shredded lettuce and drippy sauce and chopped onions and it was amazing. I can’t believe I ate the whole thing. Fifteen hours later I’m still kind of full. Because we’re the kind of house that stocks tamarind paste and anchovies rather than, say, salad dressing, there was quite a shopping trip involved; it made me a little cranky at the time but now I’m delighted that I have ingredients on hand to make this at least 36 more times and all I have to buy is more buns.

Adapted slightly from The Great Big Burger Book by Jane Murphy and Liz Yeh Singh, which my friend won at a school auction fundraiser and brought to her cabin. I promptly fell in love and bought it. You should too. 

Sauce

2 tbsp Thousand Island dressing
1 tbsp French dressing
1 tbsp mayonnaise
1 tbsp sweet pickle relish
1 tsp finely grated onion
½ tsp sugar
½ tsp white vinegar
Pinch of salt

Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes before using.

For each burger

6 oz. ground beef chuck. Note that if you cheat and use the ¼ lb. burgers from Costco your end result is going to be gigantic. I consider this to be a good thing.
1 tbsp grated onion
½ tsp each salt and pepper
1 tbsp sauce (or, you know, a lot more than a tablespoon. If you want. It’s just a suggestion.)
2 hamburger bottom buns, toasted
¼ cup finely chopped lettuce
2 tbsp chopped onion
2 slices American cheese
4 slices bread-and-butter pickles
1 hamburger top bun, toasted. Ideally this will be sesame seed bun but we’re not going to be pedantic about it.

Combine the beef, grated onion, salt and pepper. Divide into 2 patties about ¼ inch thick. (If you’re using pre-formed patties, sprinkle with the salt and pepper and a pinch of onion powder instead.)

Grill or pan-cook the burgers 2-4 minutes per side or until desired doneness; this is about 5 minutes in a George Foreman grill if you can't stand to turn the stove on.

To assemble the burger, spread half the sauce on the bottom bun. Sprinkle a third of the lettuce and onion on the bun and top with a slice of cheese. Add one burger patty and one bottom bun.

Spread the rest of the sauce on the bun, then top with half the remaining lettuce and onion and 2 pickle slices. Top with the second burger patty and the remaining cheese, lettuce, onion, and pickles. Top with the last bun.