A Giant Stack of Deliciousness and Joy, or What We Ate When I Wanted a Big Mac

At some point mid-May or thereabouts, Cooking Dinner Every Night Fatigue set in big-time. While the quarantine restrictions have been lifted somewhat, I don’t feel even remotely comfortable dining in a restaurant right now so our dinner options are a bit limited (yes, I know there’s outdoor seating. There’s also a heat wave and I don’t have air conditioning at home. No thanks.). We’ve done some curbside pickup but it feels like all the expense with none of the service, and I still end up washing dishes.  

One of the casualties of staying in has been my intermittent visits to McDonald’s, from back when the siren call of a Filet O’Fish and the best fountain Coke in the universe was sometimes more than I could resist. I love a good Take Out/Fake Out recipe, but I can’t imagine the shenanigans required to recreate a fish sandwich at home. And why would you? The whole point of dining out – even if it’s a fast-food drive thru – is to eat something that you wouldn’t get at home. Yes, I can make a Sausage McMuffin with Egg that is arguably better than the real thing from a certain point of view, but the egg won’t have that perfect circular shape and the yolk will be the wrong degree of doneness and the sausage patty just won’t be the same. And don’t get me started on our unsuccessful French fry efforts.

A burger, though….. A burger is a perfect arena for experimentation. I’ve had so many burgers from so many places that my loyalties aren’t quite as fixed, and my commitment to burgers is such that I have an entire cookbook dedicated to them. Naturally this means that I had to try my hand at making the imitation Big Mac (though really I’m a Quarter Pounder with Cheese gal, myself). My husband insists that what we came up with is much more like a Big Boy burger from Elias Brothers. Whatever. Whichever burger you think this is a riff upon, let me assure you there is NO quick-service restaurant that is going to produce something as effing magical as this giant stack of deliciousness and joy.

This is after it was squished down.
Thirty-six more times, people.

Fluffy bun? Check. Double-stack of burgers? Check. Melty processed American cheese food slices? Check. Special sauce? Check check check. I had to mash this bad boy down with my hand for a solid thirty seconds to compress it enough to fit into my mouth, and I promptly made a huge mess of shredded lettuce and drippy sauce and chopped onions and it was amazing. I can’t believe I ate the whole thing. Fifteen hours later I’m still kind of full. Because we’re the kind of house that stocks tamarind paste and anchovies rather than, say, salad dressing, there was quite a shopping trip involved; it made me a little cranky at the time but now I’m delighted that I have ingredients on hand to make this at least 36 more times and all I have to buy is more buns.

Adapted slightly from The Great Big Burger Book by Jane Murphy and Liz Yeh Singh, which my friend won at a school auction fundraiser and brought to her cabin. I promptly fell in love and bought it. You should too. 

Sauce

2 tbsp Thousand Island dressing
1 tbsp French dressing
1 tbsp mayonnaise
1 tbsp sweet pickle relish
1 tsp finely grated onion
½ tsp sugar
½ tsp white vinegar
Pinch of salt

Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes before using.

For each burger

6 oz. ground beef chuck. Note that if you cheat and use the ¼ lb. burgers from Costco your end result is going to be gigantic. I consider this to be a good thing.
1 tbsp grated onion
½ tsp each salt and pepper
1 tbsp sauce (or, you know, a lot more than a tablespoon. If you want. It’s just a suggestion.)
2 hamburger bottom buns, toasted
¼ cup finely chopped lettuce
2 tbsp chopped onion
2 slices American cheese
4 slices bread-and-butter pickles
1 hamburger top bun, toasted. Ideally this will be sesame seed bun but we’re not going to be pedantic about it.

Combine the beef, grated onion, salt and pepper. Divide into 2 patties about ¼ inch thick. (If you’re using pre-formed patties, sprinkle with the salt and pepper and a pinch of onion powder instead.)

Grill or pan-cook the burgers 2-4 minutes per side or until desired doneness; this is about 5 minutes in a George Foreman grill if you can't stand to turn the stove on.

To assemble the burger, spread half the sauce on the bottom bun. Sprinkle a third of the lettuce and onion on the bun and top with a slice of cheese. Add one burger patty and one bottom bun.

Spread the rest of the sauce on the bun, then top with half the remaining lettuce and onion and 2 pickle slices. Top with the second burger patty and the remaining cheese, lettuce, onion, and pickles. Top with the last bun.