Romance Novels and Red Beans and Rice: Addressing Those Unrealistic Expectations

I’m not ashamed to admit that I adore a good romance novel – yes, I’ve gotten some of my favorite reading material at CVS. For all that it’s such a maligned genre, there is some very good writing to be found there, as well as some genuinely moving love stories. I have books that I’ve gone back to again and again for the familiarity of the characters and the guarantee of an unambiguously happy ending, something that I appreciate more as time goes by.

While I’ve done plenty of dabbling in supernatural and contemporary romances, my first love has always been historical “bodice-rippers,” problematic as my modern eyes sometimes find the conventions of the genre. Early on I read something called “New Orleans Legacy” by Alexandra Ripley, the author that was tapped to write the heretical so-called sequel to “Gone with the Wind.” Red beans and rice figured prominently in the background of the book so Ms. Ripley thoughtfully included a recipe for red beans and rice that, of course, I had to try.

As sometimes happens with the contents of romance novels, I was disappointed by the real-life version. Undaunted by unrealistic standards, I’ve tried many red beans and rice recipes since then, and mostly just found them to be very underwhelming. Not bad, just not anything that I’d take the time to cook again. (One may draw whatever parallels one wishes to other facets of romance novels with no further commentary from me.)

Quarantine to the rescue! I have a cookbook called Screen Doors and Sweet Tea that I love reading but haven’t cooked from very much, and these past few months have presented an opportunity to do a deeper dive while I seriously consider what cookbooks still deserve space on my shelves (yes, yes, I’ve run out of room again). I’ve now made these red beans and rice twice in as many weeks, with the bonus of having Anna make skillet cornbread as an accompaniment. I haven’t followed the recipe to the letter as I haven’t had smoked sausage on hand, but I can only imagine that the recipe as written would be even more delicious. And it’s super economical; this recipe feeds the four of us until we’re ready to burst, with leftovers, and cost under $5 in ingredients to make (my grocery bill has more than doubled since we’ve started eating every single meal at home, so this is actually a consideration. Also all the stores were basically out of meat last week but – shock! – there were still ham hocks to be found.).

A word of warning: if you’re not willing to deal with ham hocks, skip this. Yes, you can cut up ham, you can cut up sausage, you can do whatever – I’m convinced that the rich, smoky flavor of this recipe is entirely due to the hocks, which look like exactly what they are.

Adapted very slightly from Screen Doors and Sweet Tea by Martha Hall Foose. The Lee Brothers are big fans, which was really all that I needed to know before running out and buying this.

Red Beans and Rice  

1 lb dried red kidney beans
1 bay leaf
1 large onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
2-3 celery stalks, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 smoked ham hocks or 1 ham bone with most of the meat removed

Soak the beans in at least 6 cups of water overnight. Drain well.

Add a large glug of oil or a big dollop of bacon fat to a large Dutch oven (this is where the original recipe has you sauteeing some smoked sausage and using the rendered fat for this step). Add the bay leaf, inion, bell pepper, and celery to the pot. Cook for 3-5 minutes or until tender. Add the garlic and cook for 1 more minute.

Add the ham hocks, drained beans, and enough water to cover by at least an inch. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a low simmer and cook for 2 hours or until the beans are very tender. Keep an eye on the water level; the original recipe called for 2 inches of water but that made the end product a little watery, so I’m erring on the side of caution – it’s easier to add more than take some out. Mash some of the beans against the side of the pot for a creamier consistency.

Remove the ham hocks, remove and shred any meat remaining on the bones, and return to the pot. Season with salt and pepper and maybe just a little teeny bit of hot sauce, and serve over hot white rice.